was i sexually abused quiz was i sexually abused quiz

You deserve it, and youd be surprised at how useful it can be to talk this over with someone trained to help you deal with it. Its hard. Because if you are not comfortable you can say no. Hope this helps! I only remember being in the moment while having sex with my ex boyfriend a hand full of times because I would constantly zone out. What should I do to get rid of these dreams. And Ive found that in general therapists dont want to really talk about fear of therapy unless you agree up front that its primarily your problem and you havent actually had genuine trauma caused or reinforced by therapists. I told him no and he insisted but I just walked out of the room. I have suffered from SEVERE anxiety for as long as i can remember. I dont know what to do about this person who did this to me. This tumultuous relationship ended abruptly when on a dog walk with him he confessed his feelings for me and I didnt say anything, I dont think I said anything until we got back to his house. I could change it back and forth at whim. What is important here is that you seek some support. A counsellor or therapist wont think that youve done anything wrong or have anything to be ashamed of and the story wont be surprising to them, no matter how in your mind you might feel ashamed. I have some memories of being abused as a child, but theyre not very clear so I dont know what to make of them. Dont know what to think anymore, it feels awful even typing this, It feels like I keep going back to the behaviours without knowing the cause, people say if youve been abused you at least have some sort of memory but looking back nothing is standing out and large portions of my childhood have been lost completely My mum is an actual survivor of sexual abuse herself and she knows that it was always at the back of her mind and she never truly forgot it so it just feels like im pulling things out of thin air, but I always seem to gravitate towards predators and entertain them, my mum said I was groomed online multiple times, but these felt like normal behaviours, I really dont know what to think, im just sick in the head. Most of my childhood Is kinda of a blur but I remember being sexually abuse by my own cousin as a child and most of the time I though it was a game I guess I didnt know any better. I freaked out and somehow convinced them not to and nothing was happening. Its very normal to feel all sorts of confusing feelings. But later never came. We are really sorry to hear that you were brave enough to reach out for support have been told its all in your head. The more important question is, now do you feel about it now, as an adult? I just couldnt say anything. along with having fantasies about being molested and raped with the guys I was beginning to be involved with. And focus on that instead of driving yourself crazy trying to know. Sometimes something would remind me of it but Id just push it away again I think. Is there a way to know for sure if I was molested without risking a false memory? And we dont have time machines. That we are suffering. So it does sound very complicated. Its quite common for me to be sad and have no idea why, but also to not be able to connect myself with my emotions. But that is not what pushed me to this point. It sounds really stressful and like what happened is causing you a lot of anxiety. We dont know what country you are in (we are a UK based company). Ive been hospitalized four times for suicidal attempts and self harm. It just means you are ready to love yourself, too. We also all, every one of us, have the capacity to do wonderful things that help many others, or even wonderful small things that quietly help those close to us. I hate being in the dark about this. The most recent time I saw him was only a few months ago, and my brother got drunk and passed out so it was just me and him. Im 25 and I am unable to have sex with my partner. Good luck. I have never had a boyfriend. I feel dirty and sick to my stomach after sex, as if I did something wrong. But you also mention other things that happened that are not ideal for a child to experience. You say you have been to therapy. Which I forgot to mention lol) So pretty much all my life till about the time i turned 18 (which was this year 2017) I realized that I was molested and that it wasnt my fault. Hi Nova, we arent sure if you have made a typo putting the number 5 and meant 15? They would also tell me to go hump family members, family friends, and stuffed animals. But what we do know is that we are not thriving, that we are suffering, that we have symptoms. 8. I have quite a few symptoms listed in this article, but as I never had any recollection of abuse, always thought I was a tad crazy. But i have no recollection or memory of having been sexually abused as a kid. anxiety, suicidal ideation, these are serious things to go through. I have always felt different because I never had a sex talk with an adult, but I knew what to expect when it came to it. At the time I didnt know I was being sexually or mentally abused so I accepted the fact that life was going to be that way. Thank you. I do have very poor memory in general especially my childhood and have self harmed aged 15(ish) for about a year after my auntie died. My ex partner was very much narcissistic and I have been trying to unravel my past as I believe I could have been abused as a child. Are you safe right now? It might be you experienced another trauma like neglect, or a parent suddenly leaving. I have had multiple dreams of being taken advantage of sexually. Heres the thing. I feel a lot closer to her. Exact labels are less important than getting support. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? Trying to understand what happened to you can be a traumatizing experience in itself. what are your opinions on this situation? This happened about 40 years ago and I have been living with this since then. There are other therapies those with trauma report useful, but they arent licensed by psychotherapeutic bodies and we dont know enough about them to suggest them so youd have to do your own research there (body therapy, BWRT etc). i have absolutely no memory of ever being molested or anything, but im starting to have my doubts. I even had a panic attack when he tried to tickle me once I noticed that I wouldnt tell him to stop when I wanted him to and that was a problem. Initially I did, but I sensed something was not right, 12. Now the problem is that I dont know why Im like this, I have had homosexual relatives in my life growing up, uncles but it wouldnt be fair for me to think that because of that I have blocked away memories of things being done to me, but something must have happened to me when I was younger to be acting like this? i liked sticking things in my pants as well to give me the sensation i had male parts. But my take on my childhood home is that it was completely loveless. If you dont want to go through your school, you can also tell your GP you need mental health support, although the waiting lists can be long with the NHS. I only remember a few good memories. I have read police reports of him wrapping phone cord round moms neck and chasing her round with a bat round inside then outside of house. Hi Arman, we are sorry to hear about this. And finally, sexual abuse is linked to the manifestation of certain personality disorders, in particular borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. Instead I got endless attempts at CBT and confusion as to why I found it so difficult. But glad you have been speaking to a counsellor. You can read about the free UK helplines here bit.ly/mentalhelplines. Google for one who deals with long-term PTSD and see what you find and not to toot our own horn (as we want you to find the person who is right for you regardless) but our new sister site offers phone and Skype therapy worldwide, http://www.harleytherapy.com. In fact my abuser has done it and loves it for precisely that reason, because it lets her explain how the problems her victims have are all really a result of their cognitive distortions! Sorry this is such a long post. Secondly, the mind is a tricky beast. Yes, absolutely B. I just stood therecouldnt move. In summary, we would highly recommend talking to a counsellor or therapist about this when you are ready, particularly if you have any symptoms of trauma as detailed in the article. Its an assumption to say youll go to jail or ruin your families name. As weve said throughout this comment stream, putting our focus on exactly what did and didnt happen is not only futile its an act of self-torture. I dont like affection from any of other people sometimes I just let them hug me because I feel like I have to, to show that Im nice and care for them. We hope that this quiz brings a better understanding of yourself and helps you in your healing journey. My mom came home from work n i remember running towards her n telling her i needed to talk to her i was scared . I have so many clues and symptoms of child abuse though even more than are listed above. Take care. Founded in 2006, we are an award-winning group connecting you to highly experienced therapists in our London rooms and online worldwide. https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological-therapies-(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008. Its in your hands, and it always has been. Wed suggest you read our article on what types of therapy do and dont work for trauma http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma Best, HT. This one teacher, who was super smart and I really admired, saw the whole thing. I remember Donny and I were in his driveway and an older boy was there. 2. We went in the bathroom n locked the door i was telling her what happened in a whisper n he kept yelling to open the door n what we were talking about n why were we both inside n taking so long . A counsellor can create a safe space for you to work through this and to help you uncover what else is upsetting you. It just gave everything a different look. But they are issues that therapy is proven to help with, so there is a lot of hope you can work through all this and feel better in the future. Hi, I remember nothing about my childhood. If you are student, it can be hard, but many high schools, colleges and universities have counsellors nowadays there to help. The thing is, my memories of my childhood are foggy. Otherwise, if you are at college yet, most colleges have very low cost counsellors for their students and its confidential. I began to try to have sex with other guys, they didnt, but they would do other sexual stuff, and I would send sexual photos, and I began to feel sad.). I was watching porn by 7 years old and was addicted to it too. But unfortunately, when we dismiss everything and everyone based on our bad experiences and paint everything with the same brush, we sometimes block any solution at all from arriving and push back anyone who does their best to help. The sad part is I think I still have feelings for him. And we do know how you feel about wanting clarity. My memories as a child are very limited. So here I am. I am more than sure I was sexually abused as a kid, not on many occasions, but I remember the two times, which I will write here, just because I want to write it somewhere where I wont be recognized, since I come from a very small country. direct physical force, a threat of force, coercion, or somehow taken advantage of). We wish you courage! I just want some answers about how I feel. If not, if you are sure it would make things worse for you,then use internet groups and forums to connect with people in privacy who do understand, and do your best to get through to a point you are an actual adult with a job and independence and then please do reach out for professional support in the form of counselling. Ask our expert doctors a question. Many difficult childhood experiences can result in similar symptoms. Its just an awful lot for anyone to manage all by themselves, even if you are a strong person with a big heart. So we think this situation is far more complicated than just the actual sexual touching amongst children. If you read all the other comments youll see we always say the same thing nobody can know the truth as we dont have time machines. The brain is a very complicated thing, and unless someone creates a time machine many of us have to accept that our mind doesnt have clear memories. I have weird and uncommon fetishes too that is too much for someone who comes from my background. I said no because I knew what she was referring to and I was embarrassed. And when they got divorced 13 years ago I was sort of relieved. Again, such examples can both result in the same long-term symptoms as other forms of sexual abuse. We wouldnt jump to conclusions just yet. Im scared we meet again. It does not make you a bad person as its just a thought, and you are not going to act on it. I do remember that we used to do push-ups together, it was our thing, just he and I. I only remember doing push-ups one or two times though. I remembered as a child around age six I did things that were provocative, even explicit, and I wondered where I learned them. Wed suggest you read our adjoining article on what to do if feel abused and see it gives you some ideas on how to move forward here http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. Before then, I was fine with Karl, but after it, I get slightly anxious when I think about and just all around feel off/wrong. if you read through the comments, youll see that we talk about this issue of being sure a lot. I have so many dark, demented secrets and thoughts that they could fill over 1,000 pages if I were to write them all down, and even that wouldnt cover all of it. I knew it was wrong but since I still live with him I just never thought much of it. If you dont have the budget look for a free support group in your area for those who have experienced abuse, or see if there is low cost counselling nearby. I dont know if my mind made it up to make sense of my intense hug anxiety and not bleeding for first time sex. So I was treated as though I was having irrational anxiety about my relationship with my mother as a result of the anxiety disorder I was diagnosed with. And I dont know what to do. I feel extremely disgusted by writing this but I wanted to share this somewhere. I feel that I know a 3 year old doesnt really say what I said unless it happened cuz its hard for a 3 year old to come up with something like that. I think he came to play with me a few more times after that but I cant remember because its hard to differentiate days. What we are horrified at reading this is the reparenting you went through. Im looking into therapy, but Im afraid of talking about this because Im ashamed and I think its all really weird. I dont really want to get into detail but the stuff I saw would definitely be classed as pornographic. After that about a year later a church bus driver tried to stick his hand up my skirt as i walked by the church pews. When I started to think about it, my first memory was when I was around 4 years old and he used to have me on his lap or close to him watching TV and he would put his genitals out and touch it. I would wake up from these dreams terrified and crying, and I lost a lot of sleep. I cant, and never will tell anyone, until now. If not, would your parents be willing to help you find one? Otherwise, go read our adjoining article, what to do if you worry youve been abused http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. It can even be a series of events that are not necessarily sexual. Thanks for reading. My mom has always been really honest with me about sexuality, always answering all my questions, and not shaming me ever. So I know something terrible happened just dont know what and its making life difficult not knowing. So its important to get support as soon as you can to look at that shame and figure out where it comes from and how you can process it and start to grow some self esteem and make choices you feel better about. Dont be afraid to call, that is what these sorts of charities are there for. I dont remember much else other that my cousin Peanut coming in to me having my under wear at my ankles, I had been wearing a dress. What you do know here are your symptoms. Best, HT. Its nothing to do with you, not remotely your fault, and it doesnt make you weird. Hi Annoymous, children are curious about their bodies and the bodies of other kids. I dont know if there is a possibility that this could have happened to me or all of this is normal or I just might have another issue. You are teenager, you are going to high school which is a lot to navigate, your brain is actually growing, your hormones can be all over the place. It will be difficult for me to broach the subject, typing it is far easier than saying it out loud. I cant make amends with my own skin. You need to find someone to talk to. Many of us never know exactly what happened to us, and its important to put your focus onto getting help for symptoms instead of obsessing over what did and didnt happen. It feels like there is no one there to help now as my own mother missed all the signs and I can not think that she is on my side. Start with what feels right for you. All of these memories are really confusing because I dont remember it well and I had a relatively normal childhood. Telling me i need sex and she will satify me. Best, HT. Then in the morning I woke up in the bedroom. So the question we ask is, why WOULDNT you bring this up? I was in a a long term relationship (my first and only relationship so far) and everything that could go wrong with me went wrong. Always centered around times mom was sick. Depression? My childhood feels so far away, like another person lived it. Im sixteen and while I cant bring up any memories of sexual assault happening to me, there are some people in my life that I used to meet more frequently when I was younger (practically not at all now, as we moved to another country) who have given me an uncomfortable feeling whenever I was near them. The same thing happened when I tried to express concerns about treatment; I was assured that therapy could be difficult but I needed to work through it to get better. I also remember having a low self esteem for a really long time. It was just echoing what the abusers and those who enable them by disbelief did almost the same words sometimes. I tried to back up but I almost bumped into his private part. Medication pauses the symptoms, anxiety and depression, and is wonderful for helping us cope, but to change the roots of the problem talk therapy is recommended. I thought of it as a game but I would then take advantage of the other kids around memaking them feel smaller then meeven tried to play with them like Juan did with me. It feels like I cant move on until I know for sure. The sad thing is, unless we all had a time machine, we can never quite know. At what age does memories of sexual abuse come back? It doesnt mean you dont love your mom to feel your childhood has left you struggling. I havent been diagnosed with anything since my mom refuses to bring me in, she thinks Im attention seeking and just want to be able to say that I have a mental illness. And believe it or not, you can heal without knowing what happened exactly. He slid his hand onto my butt and was grabbing it and he eventually put his hand on my groin. A hymen can break from sports, and some women simply arent born with a lot of hymenal tissue so there is little to rupture and they dont bleed.And its ok to like aggressive porn, if its a healthy enjoyment and you are comfortable in your body and dont think you have to let anyone do anything you dont like. When I was really very young before I was even in double digits in age I use to draw terrible pictures that depicted obvious sexual abuse it would normally be a picture of a child with clothes cut open or completely naked tied down or chained up with an equally exposed other person normally a taller person the child would normally be crying or begging them to stop. Hi, I know I should not and I know I mean nothing to him, but I cant help myself he is the only thing I have on the planet and I do not count him a friend because he is a secret and I only ever see him for an hour at a time for sex. Jay, there are no exact answers to what happened or didnt happen as none of us have time machines. My whole life Ive always gotten bruises without knowing where they came from. But to let you know that it sounds like he was manipulating and intimidating you, knowing you were a nervous young girl and choosing to push all your buttons and overstep healthy boundaries. Although before him i used to be attracted to people who would eventually emotionally abuse me. That is what therapists do. They are still together and have been married for maybe 5 years now and I was planning to tell my mom on my 17th birthday which is only 2 months away. I self harm, and every time I do so I feel like Im leaving my body. Or just memory loss? I didnt think anything of it then but now I do. I really feel Im not gonna be able to move on in life until I release memories and continue going to counceling and work out my issues. Is there someone you can talk to? When she returned she told authoritys it was a monster under her bed. Never pleasing myself. Hi Sam, this experience was obviously very traumatic for you as a child, hence you cant forget about it and its resurfaced. Working with a counsellor or therapist who understands trauma can be a much more powerful way to move forward. Its just these body sensations, feeling ill a lot more and these dreadful body memories. Note that its not only sexually abuse that leads to being in an abusive relationship, neglect and abandonment alone can cause trauma bonding. As to your current relationship. As you are only 17, it would require a parent being on board with helping you find a counsellor. Sexual Abuse Quiz 1. And a hypnotherapist who said they could help you find out would be a dangerous quack, a proper clinical hypnotherapist would never offer this service as to get you to remember would involve influencing you. But whenever I hear family members talk about him it always fills me with this sort of dread or anxiety. So I took comfort in being molested and used that as my place of belonging. My mom would also make me feel like it was my fault and that I was a sinner (given we were Christian. The more questions you answered "yes" to in this emotional abuse quiz, the more likely it is that you are in an abusive relationship. Is it bad that I dont want people to ever know my experience? At the very least call the confidential hotline of the charity we directed you towards? Was I Abused As A Child Quiz - ProProfs Quiz (he was a junior in highschool, his parents put him in school late) It wasnt until the end of eighth grade year that things kind of took a turn. Take This Quiz And Find Out. Low and behold it was a radio shake recorder and the 5 year olds confession. He is your partner. Its also worth noting I was my Dads favourite my sister would apparently cry whenever she wasnt with Mum, whether with my grandparents, strangers, even my Dad. I am 49. So you arent struggling with wondering if the memory is true as some others do, and you did get support and believed. But I also resent him. I have had physical trauma from my family members along with lots of mental and emotional trauma from manipulation and punishments, along with sexual abuse from my fellow classmates before I could even understand what it was. Your therapist could help you get to a point you feel comfortable perhaps talking to your cousins and getting this off your chest in a productive, healing way. I dont know if they were dreams or not. We wish you courage. Okay so let me start off by saying that ive always been really sensitive when ppl discuss rape and such like I know no one is comfortable but like Im really sensitive about it. If you are in the UK, and feel really overwhelmed, consider calling Childline, a 24-hour hotline for young people 0800 1111. In comparison to other Christian kids, I was educated, but not as nearly as much as I should have been. After the last therapy under hypnsosis, tickle dreams came back and i am always at my uncles house or he is very often in my dreams. From a young age, I have a fear of large crowds, a group of guys anywhere around me, and older men with facial hair. When I did remember this about my dad it was such a small memory with so little detail and I felt that it didnt distress me and I didnt feel mad at him about it, which I thought was a good thing and thats how it should stay so I just put it out of my mind. A. And try to find a healthy way to vent your anger so that is doesnt push away those you love, as you need their support now, not to push them away. If you were raised in a dysfunctional or abusive home, there are certain abusive behaviors from your parents and/or siblings that you may have normalized in your mind in order to survive in the situation you were in at the time. As for zoning out with all sexual experiences, it is a sign of sexual abuse. I remember flirting with my dad as I would see him naked in the bathtub at times. Hi Paige, its hard if we think we have been abused but we just dont know. And try to train your brain to also notice what IS working. Seems like you are not giving him any credit here, nor yourself, as would you really have married someone that terrible? My dating history Ive seemed to attract verbally or emotionally abusive individuals where Ive been constantly berated or treated poorly, never wanting to end the relationship because I didnt want to be alone, relationships that have ended Ive begged for second chances and slipped into depression where Ive stayed alone in my apt choosing not to go out and get my mind off of things, instead opting to wrap myself in my depression like a blanket and cut people further out my life. Even so, when I started masturbating at age 11, I was incredibly ashamed and couldnt stand the idea of anyone finding out. (sometimes..) Can I be quiet about it? Do you recognise yourself in the following? And in any case, being smacked and constantly told off is its own form of abuse and can cause all sorts of symptoms as an adult. Oops! The thing is my memory is actually quite good but whether I could of been molested I cant say ?as sometimes people suppress or block out certain things that happen in their life. Emotional Abuse Test | Psychologia The body can sometimes be more honest than the mind. And if at this point you cant imagine sex at all, thats ok. Hope that helps. I knew it was always there in the back of my head but I would ignore it because well I dont know why. Children are total sponges. The next thing is the same thing youll hear us emphasising in the other comments. Its all very useful stuff. Im 14 and I think I was molested when I was little. I always feel so alone, Im a very manipulatible person, I always feel like no one ever loves me. I do self harm and wanting to kill myself and I am on anti depressants but not taken for 2 or 3 weeks. bit.ly/talktoparents Otherwise wed advise you call a free hotline. And Cody please read our other article, What to Do if You Think Youve Been Abused. It is one of my strangest memories and even that memory is not all there anymore. So its not strange. Hi Shane, our boxes of sexuality are terms weve created, not scientific facts. It can take time to find someone we feel comfortable with, and quite a few sessions are needed for the trust to develop, but when it does start to work, it is incredibly helpful. Obviously you are suffering from extreme trust issues. As a child I had major anger issues up to 5th grade, and Ive always felt alone, and had self doubt lurking around my head. And that the dread and shame and guilt I have been feeling all my life was because of The only thing that can change that will be a deep willingness to say this is enough, I deserve to feel better, and then to reach out and seek support to start to move forward. We get so many comments and messages like this, and it makes us really sad that so many young women feel pressured to fit some norm where you are supposed to have and enjoy sex by some very young age. Your submission has been received! I dont know how clear Ive been, but if you have any advice for me id really appreciate it. From some bits and pieces that I can barely remember I think everything was fine, despite a few weird stares from my great uncle. I remember asking a boy I used to play out with to hit my bare bottom with a cricket bat. We are sure you have a lot to offer, you just need some proper support. Its human nature to want to know but unless someone creates a time machine mostly we have to accept we never will. You seem to think you are dirty or wrong for being abused as a child. Best, HT. My mother yelled at me disgusted to go put some clothes on. Wouldnt you just tell that child that they are just someone who experienced something traumatic and unfortunate that had nothing to do with them personally and is not their fault? It does what it thinks is best for our survival, and in some cases that is blocking memories. And yet this might cause no long term issues for one person, but cause many long term issues for another. Wed recommend you seek support as soon as possible. You might discover all sorts of things in the process of therapy, both bad but also good. Raise this subject with your therapist and talk it through. Just a thought. Its your body and life.) Then gather up that courage and do whatever you can to seek some support. Even a professional hypnotherapist will not help someone go back and find abuse memories, as the mind is unreliable when trauma has happened. Or tell them that nobody would like or respect them now? Are you still in therapy?